you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
