It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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