hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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