there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
