like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
