Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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