I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
