I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
and she was petting her beer can
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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