I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
