guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
