She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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