The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
