Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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