bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
