just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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