What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
