i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
