**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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