So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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