I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
