the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
