Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Mom said you looked used
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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