just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The ass gains better be worth it
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