She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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