I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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