We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
