we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
