Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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