walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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