you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
