is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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