I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
