you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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