Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
