You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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