Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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