porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
