Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
