Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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