someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
