I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
