her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
