I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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