Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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