Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
