the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
