So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
