so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
