I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
