Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
