Soap is not a condiment
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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