Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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